Dream on Rails

I don't know the exact moment it happened or how the movements and mashings of thumbs wired their patterns into my subconscious; All that I know is that I was no longer in control of my dreams.

It was winter break. I had just graduated with my B.A. and in between periods of drinking and applying to grad schools, I found myself bored. I had read the entire Harry Potter series in a week and started to play my GameCube--again.

Gamer ADD is the only way to describe it. Games, unlike books, are easy for me to put down. Most games do not keep my attention for more than an hour at a time. It took me months to beat a game. I was playing games that I had began, but never finished. But having played those before, everything was so predictable and bland. But that changed. I bought a new game and I became obsessed.

I was obsessed with potato-bag zombies with chainsaws; Obsessed with conserving ammo; Obsessed with mutated genetic abominations: Obsessed with Resident Evil 4.

There was something about the combination of game-play and narrative that left me vulnerable. I do not know if it was the fantastic nature of the game, opening up doors into my unconscious, but somehow the patterns had infected me.

"Why can't I move?", I thought to myself?
"Stop. Stop. I want to go left." I could feel something constraining me as I tried to turn. I was a puppet of the system. I kept moving straight. Everything was so logical. Imprecision was out of bounds--everything was in straight lines: My dreams were bound.

I have always had lucid dreams. Sometimes, I would let my subconscious take over and I would ride out the dream; But, most of the time I was in complete control. I could change the environment, the people, the situations. But somehow the movements and patterns from the video game were restricting my dreams. I was no longer free.

My dream was on rails. In the video game landscape there is a genre of game that best describes my dreams: Rail Shooters. Its the type of game where movement is controlled by the game and the player observes and shoots at zombies, aliens, terrorists, or whatever the enemy is in the game. Even games that allow more freedom in movement still have paths that confine mobility.

It was very strange to realize that video game logic and physics were somehow controlling my subconscious. Those dreams had an effect on my sleep. I was not getting the rest I needed.

The technology was reformatting my brain. I never knew the impact a video game could have on me. I only wish I knew how and what parts of me have been determined and molded by the technology I use. Is it possible separate the person from the technology?